I went through a break up almost 2 months ago to a guy who was genuine and caring but after 2-3 months, couldn’t be in a relationship anymore. No 3rd party, just wants to be "selfish" and alone. What’s funny is that he was very into me when we met - made him work hard and pursue me. I still wasn’t easy when we were together but was a good gf. His friends/family said he was "head over heels" into me right away, saw a future w. me, was completely different than his younger/high maintinence exes, and i was "everything he wanted in a girl". I never held him back from anything nor was i "too nice" or a doormat. I put my foot down when i needed to. I don’t wanna proclaim how "perfect" i was (i’m not) but i’m a good catch. I’m a good girl - going to school to be in the medical profession, mannered, friendly, respect myself, and others…i’m funny, easygoing, have many hobbies, take care of myself, etc…
Friends "speculate" that he possibly felt insecure - no college education, just work, short guy….but honestly that did not matter to me. (as long as he was a good person; good to me). Also, there’s also this fact about how i’m the first girl he’s dated that’s his age (23; his exes were all younger). In the end, he would rather pay attention to hanging out w. his guy friends than w me…and it’s not like i saw him everyday nor was i ever clingy. Yes, there’s nothing wrong w. me but what I don’t understand is how can a guy love the idea of the person i am…then later, go back on his word say, "oh whoops, nevermind, i’m not ready". His family thinks he’s stupid and his friends think he’s crazy…i was everything he wanted in a girl, why did he just run away? i always thought a good man could always spot and appreciate a good woman right away….
Doing okay now…i’m meeting alot of people…new friends and when getting to know me, it’s like the same cycle. They love the idea of me but i’m scared/cautious of history repeating itself. Then again, these guys are college educated, full time jobs, own place, etc…
OH! and I’m actually a commitment phobe so for me to be with him is a HUGE thing…don’t wanna get too serious or married anytime soon….
You may have been what he wanted, but he found you too soon. He’s still pretty young. He probably wasn’t expecting to find "the perfect wife" until he was a little older. The idea of being committed to the same girl forever probably scared him off. Your relationship was too good, so there was no end in sight. Bottom line, he’s just not ready to commit yet until he lives a little more.
June 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Because good girls talk and write too much.
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life
June 14th, 2010 at 7:35 pm
You may have been what he wanted, but he found you too soon. He’s still pretty young. He probably wasn’t expecting to find "the perfect wife" until he was a little older. The idea of being committed to the same girl forever probably scared him off. Your relationship was too good, so there was no end in sight. Bottom line, he’s just not ready to commit yet until he lives a little more.
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June 14th, 2010 at 8:08 pm
so your question is why did he leave, you said it in your second paragraph, he’s short
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June 14th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
i had a partner like that we was together for 1 year . we planned to have a baby together and was trying to as well . he said i was perfect for him and that im everything he wanted .. i did everything for him and i loved him too… and then after all we have been through together he just turns a round and said he has no feelings for me when not only a couple days ago we was trying again for a baby and was looking for a place of our own..thing is i still don’t understand why he had no feelings for me ..feelings like that don’t change over night.. to me he is just dick-head and i think he likes to play mind games now i don’t think about him at all , im happy with a new partner ..and it’s my ex’s loss at end of the day ..he wont get another woman like me and he is going to regret ever getting rid of me.. just forget about him he lost a good woman (you) so let him run and forget about the tosser,like i have with my ex.
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June 14th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
Either he’s just not that into you. . . remember just because a guy says he is doesn’t mean he actually is. Saying that could have either been him self-deluding himself, or simply lying to you.
In other words he may have tricked himself into believing it or it may have just been a ploy to get down your pants.
OR, well that’s really it, if he was really really really into you he wouldn’t leave unless leaving was just temporary. Like something private happened in his life and he needed a little space to deal with his emotions
I for one just can’t see any person leaving another if they were truly in love with them, if they were truly happy with them. Why would someone leave true happiness? Short answer, they wouldn’t. So chances are he wasn’t happy, but that doesn’t mean it was your fault. You don’t need to look at yourself for all of the things you did right and all of the things that were good about you, anymore than you need to look back for anything you did that may have "made him leave". Because your only job is to be yourself, and if you can just do that you did everything perfectly. You have to know by now that not everyone is compatible with everyone else, even when both people are really great, or seem perfect for each other.
That all being said, knowing that your doing perfectly just being yourself doesn’t mean any person should ever rule out self-improvement.
I’m adding that not because I feel you in particular need any self-improvement, just that I think *everyone* should always strive for self-improvement. People who just say "I’m me and I’m perfect I couldn’t improve in any way" really upset me because no one is perfect and everyone should want to better themselves but that’s kind of beside the point.
I guess my last piece of advice would be a practical one. The only real answers you’re going to get are from your EX. But you aren’t going to get them right away. Most people don’t really understand the TRUE reasons for their actions until they have had time to become detached from that period in their lives. Till they can look back in retrospect and say "Oh wow I thought it was this, but it was really because of this". You need to give him time (And I don’t mean just a week or two, I mean like 2-3 months), and then ask him if you are still interested, or you probably won’t get a straight answer.
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June 14th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
I think that you are asking yourself the wrong question. The real question is why do I want to be with anyone who does not want to be with me? In the words of Bob Marley, you can fool some people some time but you can’t fool all the people all the time. He obviously felt that you were incompatible in some way and he ws done pretending. Take his word for it and move on. I am 100% sure that you will find somebody that will be the ying to your yang. Don’t let this relationship prevent you from going out and meet other people. Take it as a lesson. Some lessons are harder than others but education scares us the most if the lesson is good and it challenges us. The lesson of the day is learn to let go.
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June 14th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
that was really long.. i gave up trying to help you after the first paragragh.
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June 14th, 2010 at 10:42 pm
if u want a medical career, why are u so into ur love life? for get all about boys until ur in med school. and even then it’s probably too early for u. and no, quite being so full of ur self if u were all that, he wouldnt do what he did. u cant expect him to be sucking up to u every second of everyday. and u must expected it. u dated him because u feel he has to suck up to u and be nice to you because u have a higher education and will probably make him alot happier but all he sees is a life of being ur slave. what u should be doing is actually making sure u can get into med school. if u flunk out half way, not even he will want u. who’s gonna be responsible for u enomious debt to student loan? with no degree and owning a huge load of money, no one will want u. u need to sort out ur priorities.
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